What is a memory…? Googled it’s literal meaning (which again brought back the memory of looking for word meanings in our good old Oxford dictionary)…and it said “a cognitive process whereby past experiences is remembered” and also “something that is remembered”. As usual there is always something that makes me ponder, go on a thinking mode which I then write it down.
Have been reading a book “Being Mortal”. Though generally a fiction reader, lately have been trying to read mix genres. The thing with social media is that if you like something they keep suggesting you more of those. Also am a part of book club in Vayun’s school and get a chance to know about many titles which I either would not have come across or not picked up. So the above mentioned book was recommended in the club and though I am just halfway through it has made me go back in time when ma n papa were there.
Till the point I have read, the book basically emphasizes on the fact that our parents when touch the seventies or grow older along with medical care and physical assistance the most important thing they require is our time and presence. The best of senior living homes with all the expensive infrastructure and trained staff cannot give what our presence can give them. Our absence gives them an emotional strain. To them being suddenly dependent is not easy to accept and a new home/room is too much for them to adapt to without their family being around and nothing to look forward to. Infact the author has given an analogy of “a prison” for these senior homes where every activity goes at a fixed time. Though the system of shifting the elders to a senior home is more prevalent in west and here usually our parents live with us, now a days quite a large percentage of people have to shift to different cities for better work opportunities, which is necessary, but we should not forget how this will impact our parents and try ways to still make them a part of our lives.
And now when I look back, I feel so relieved that ma papa were always with their family , they were a part of our lives and so were we. Because of the general culture in India there was never a thought of they living anywhere else. There were family dinners, everyday chitchat, they were our go to person when in dilemma. After reading about how the seniors cope up in those homes away from family, it is a happy feeling that they did not see such times. Yes, we too used to get busy in our own children and there is a possibility we may have also faltered. But generally, they had people around…perks of a joint family. When they at times still had small disagreements what was cool was they used to still call Suyash to get it sorted. We knew they always had our back, and I hope they also felt the same way. I don’t know exactly what has triggered me but somehow feel an ease that they did not go through anything like the people in the book. Sometimes shifting their parents to senior homes is not wrong and it may be a necessity as children may not have time and resources to look after them. But what is necessary is not to abandon them but to be in constant touch with them and to visit them regularly. Loneliness and shifting to a new place is the worst thing one faces. And maybe this is the time they need us most, they are vulnerable, as mentioned in the book after taking care of us all through, they find it difficult to be now dependent. But we being around can make the difference.
Remembering ma papa’s blessed life…I hope we could do enough…!