Suyash and I have always been far away from the term PDA (public display of affection). We don’t find anything wrong or right in it…just that it’s not our cup of tea. Apart from like initially couple of times …I don’t remember like having food in one plate. We somehow both like and respect each other’s space. Like eating in different plates won’t lesson any love and eating in the same plate won’t make it better if there are issues, temporarily it may give you peace but if there are things to be addressed in a relationship they must be done so. Ultimately not discussing these is what leads to stress and poor mental health.
When we are out for a party …we hang out in our own people …sometimes he hangs out with the boys …sometimes we maybe chit chatting in a larger group. There are no fixed rules as such. But yes, we have never done “baby” “darling” to each other.
The heart connections are such that you don’t require it. We don’t need to literally stand beside each other to make the other feel that we stand by you always. And to each its own, couples expressing their love in a different way are also very okay. I mean we have friends who don’t leave each other’s hands all throughout, who keep mollycodding their spouses …I mean there is nothing that I should write about it …as we all have our own ways of expressing love, feeling it.
So why am I writing about holding hands when we don’t usually do the same. Yes, I don’t like the public display, but I love holding his hands when we are in our own apace. Like at night when I don’t get sleep, or when I am feeling sad about something or when a happy thought comes in or when I am just cherishing the life we have lived till now or when I am planning something with him…and many many more moments…quietly holding his hands gives me power, solace, calmness and to sum up a feeling of completeness.
The first fifteen years of marriage I believe rushes by in bringing up kids. Then they gradually get settled in their own world and you too are in a different world now. At least this is what happened with me. Suyash traveled a lot earlier but post covid era it became less as now the virtual meetings replaced many travels. I was always kind of comfortable with his traveling. Many a times it came as what you call a little bit of “me time”. Post early 40s there is a change, I don’t like him traveling much. I want him to be around. I realised I want him to be there whenever I want to reach out and hold his hands. This is my safe place…and this is where I always want to be.